A Tale Of 2 Vlods: The Leadership Of Zhelenskyy & Putin and The Crucial Role of Relational Intelligence In Transformation
These two leaders of countries at war—who share variants of the same Slavic first name Vlod or Vlad—embody very different styles of leadership. One is trying to become "ruler of the world", the other "ruler of peace"—two meanings of their first name. Using this lens, I explore why every leader must prioritize the development of their rational intelligence to lead and land genuine transformation.
Why All Leaders Can & Must Learn From Ukraine
We all have an inner Putin and Zhelenskyy.
This may be uncomfortable to hear; but we all have the capacity to seek power, domination, and control or prioritize care, community, and collaboration. Nature evolved us this way for a reason (see below for more).
Which dominates us in our meetings, decisions, planning, and managing determines our own fulfillment, our colleague’s happiness, and our world’s flourishing.
Which dominates our organizations—whether political, military, corporate, or non-profit—will determine, directly, the future of our species; the expansion or reduction of a vast number of social and ecological injustices; and the state of the world that our children are already inheriting from us.
As a way of helping us make sense of what is happening in Ukraine—and to make sure we don’t waste this crisis—I am going to explore the leadership styles, emotional intelligence, and mindsets of these two war leaders.
They share variants of the same Ancient Slavic first name, Vlod or Vlad. Yet they embody starkly different forms of leadership; and ways to approach complex problems. One seems to be trying to become “ruler of the world”, the other is trying to be a “ruler of peace”—ironically two distinct meanings of their shared first name.
Using this lens, I will explore some of the reasons why every leader must prioritize the development of their relational intelligence—as much as their rational intelligence—to lead and land lasting, positive change (what we call ‘transformation’).
While this analysis and insight may not save the lives that should be saved today in Kyiv and Kharkiv, it might make a difference to our world in the long run. Rather than watch on in shock, get angry, or numb the pain, we can all metabolize the suffering of so many to expand further as leaders who can reduce suffering in our own systems.
Act Now & Develop Over Time
If you want to do something now to embody solidarity and support, direct funds to those who need it. See this resource sheet from our friends at the Emerge Network for lots of NGOs you can send money to in Ukraine. We can all show support by protesting and putting pressure on our own governments to act. We can all divest our pensions and companies from the regime in Russia. We can also book random Airbnbs in Ukraine, which is a way of delivering micropayments to the millions on the ground.
Now into the deep dive.
It’s a long read, attempting to explore a complex reality as it shows up across multiple layers of human reality: neurological, psychological, economic, societal, political. Part of us can be easily lulled into thinking that complex problems can be solved by simple, silver bullets (especially if sold by a blue-chip strategy consultancy).
I believe the people of Ukraine, the people of Russia, and all those impacted by the domination in civic life of values of abstraction and attainment deserve us to stop, reflect, feel and think deeply, and maybe we can recalibrate our world towards a civil society that equally values compassion and care.
Caveat emptor: I am not a professional writer or paid to be such (and I have no copy editor). So please excuse typos and errors that are a function of me caring for my kids, wife (currently in bed with Covid), various enterprises, livelihoods, etc. as my first priority.
The Relational Issues Beneath Every Seemingly Rational Problem
I work all day, every day, with senior leaders who deal with gnarly concrete realities: political, military, corporate, systemic, climate. You name it. Some of our work at Switch On is in leadership development (focused on ‘soft skills’); some of it is working on strategic innovations to deliver ‘hard’, concrete, and scalable breakthroughs that solve gnarly human problems. Our sister company is a sustainability practice helping large orgs make the shift to net-positive operating and business models: gritty and gnarly work if ever there was such.
I deeply understand the call for leaders to pay attention to, and try to solve, the concrete and intense issues that they face: the lived reality of babies being born in shelters in Kyiv; extreme weather killing people and animals all over the globe; employees struggling with inflation, loss of dignity, mental health issues, and disengagement; organizations declining because they are being disrupted by emerging technologies and more creative and nimble competitors; and thousands of people still dying in Covid wards each day.
But, after over 25 years consulting—in tandem with my own developmental work as a leader and deep theorizing about transformational leadership—I have come to see that most of the issues we worry about are actualky the symptoms of deeper ruptures, traumas, and disconnections in what we call, in our change methodology Bio-Transformation Theory—‘Relational Fields’.
Whilst we have to attend to the urgent issues we face with concrete and courageous interventions, if we want to make lasting change happen, we have to also make time to resolve the schisms in our Relational Fields. This means transforming the frustrations, distrust, disappointments, and pain we hold onto in our relationships with ourselves, our caregivers, with each other, and with nature that result in ecological and social devastation. It is disruptions in our intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships that cause so many of the problems that our rational, strategizing, and operational minds try to solve for with so much hard work.
As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people (and planet). Thus, to avoid a category error, it is only through transforming these relational fields over the long term that we can make a lasting, positive, difference to the world; and so fully resolve major crises rather than reduce their pain a little; or reschedule them for a later date. We have to stand up against aggressors with strong boundaries yes; whilst we seek to relieve the fear and rage that is at the source of all unwarranted aggression.
‘Soft’ Relational Intelligence vs. ‘Hard’ Strategic Intelligence
The challenge we all face is that the part of us that is brilliant at analysis, intellectual thought, making ambitious goals happen, achieving big wins, claiming space (as well as Ukrainian territory), piercing to the truth, Getting Stuff Done, relishing the freedom of individuality, valuing independence… finds it very hard to tend to our relationships, be humble and vulnerable, and be open to interdependence.
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Relational intelligence is a totally different muscle to cognitive smarts. I know this as, to become a halfway-decent leadership developer, coach, parent, partner, collaborator, and lover I have had to get out of my previous comfort zone of being smart, speedy, and action-oriented; and get at least passable at everyday tenderness, care, receiving, holding, self-care, other-care, guiding, compassion, and true reciprocity (the kind where we seak to ensure everyone’s needs are met, fairly).
Such time-taking, energy-drawing activities are all often super inconvenient to our Get Stuff Done mind as they lead to painful, (sometimes for me agonizing), losses of time, power, control, money, prestige, scale-up success, project progress, partying, reading, learning, and pretty much all the things I enjoyed doing before I had relational duties (or rather, realized I had always had them and I had just ignored them!).
Caring for others—rather than just coercing them into doing what we want—means endless emotional and practical labor: cooking (3 meals each night in our house); endless cycles of shopping, stocking, cleaning, recycling; constant sensemaking with and for our dependents; every day, spending the time and energy to get into the hearts and minds of colleagues we take care of and inventing new ways to reach them and move them; scheduling and having management chats, with enough time for listening; managing boundaries with compassion not angst; correcting people after connecting with them, which is inefficient but effective; and taking care to repair after a rupture when it feels like it is the very, very last thing we want to do.
Whereas we seem to be able to learn intellectual tricks and habits that make analytical and operational work easier, as we develop strengths in relational intelligence, our people challenges can get less intense and destabilizing for sure: but the work of tending to others does not get much easier; and there are always more people, places, and systems that we can expand our attention to as we progressively reach further into the ‘outer’ relational fields like 3, 4, and 5 (see the diagrams).
The Rational Has Suppressed & Commodified the Relational
Perhaps to avoid cognitive dissonance, our rational, protective, and controlling minds will often dismiss our caring, vulnerable hearts by calling caring/relational intelligence ‘soft skills’; and caring mothers ‘housewives’. Our rational economic system does not count as productive (in GDP figures) the back-breaking and heart-breaking labor of caring for disabled and dying people. Our rational education system provides hours of maths and English lessons each week but, if kids are lucky, one class of personal and emotional skills.
The unpaid care sector is the largest sector of the economy. This work consists of taking care of children and sick family members, facilitating life for elderly people or family members with a disability, managing the home (shopping, cleaning, cooking, washing clothes etc.) and providing long-term unpaid support to the community of friends, neighbours, (ex-)colleagues and other acquaintances. CIDSE
Let me remind us all: There ain’t nothing soft about compassion, courage, caring, forgiveness, being vulnerable rather than powerful, collaborative rather than controlling, giving up comforts to be generous, giving up prestige and profit to be purposeful, and ultimnately coming to terms with death. Developing these qualities is, without doubt, the hardest work of life.
The rational mind that values achievement, abstraction, and analysis has long-triumphed over the relational heart—rather than dancing with it, weaving with it, in an interdependent and life-affirming flow of difference and unity. I labored under this illusion for a long time, and it lead me to breakdown and burnout. For years I successfully got elite degrees, built start-ups, consulted to Prime Ministers, hosted global TV shows… and then hit the harsh reality of what was needed of me to be an effective and compassionate boss, parent, and partner.
This domination of the relational by the rational shows up in families, where the need to make money for childcare and schools often trumps our children’s need for us to listen to them and play with them; in our teams and collaborations, where getting stuff done and making more money seems always more important than authentic connection, wellbeing, and dignity. It continues to scaffold right up to our geopolitical and ecological realities.
The part of us that likes to win, to make a concrete impact, to figure it all out, to be seen as brilliant and clever, to post that ironic or sardonic witticism on social, keeps co-opting relational wisdom and practices—including ideas purpose, rewilding, mindfulness, empathy—to serve its (honorable but often misguided) aims of productivity, profit, and power.
The Roles of Rational Genius and Relational Genius In Resolving Major Challenges
Writing a book, building an app, developing a theory, fighting a batlle… are all challenging. We call them ‘Technical Problems’. Technbical Problems require high levels of expertise and experience to solve. We call this the domain of development of ‘Cognitive-Behavioral Complexity’,which we usually shorten to Cognitive Complexity.
‘Cognitive Complexity’ helps us engage in, and solve, ever-more challenging problems with sound reason, intellect, and coherence. It helps us intervene in systems in useful and effective ways that are grounded in evidence and data. It helps us make sense of chaos and change when others are confused.
Cognitive Complexity helps us distance ourselves from messy human emotions so we can think clearly, critically, and objectively. It is great for solving Technical Problems. But it struggles profoundly to solve tougher challenges, like how to transform a conflict, disrupt a market, future-proof an august institution, or resolve a climate crisis.
We call these issues Transformational Challenges. They require us to transform as leaders, organzations, and societies to resolve them. Cognitive Complexity is neccessary but not sufficient for resolving them. To rise to the occassion, we also need to influence, and change, hearts and mind. For this, we must develop in another domain of human development, which we call Embied Wisdom
Embodied wisdom ensures our ideas and actions are grounded in caring, connection, and inter-subjective resonance. It enables us to prioritize the complex relationships that all social, political, economic, ecological, or business problems, in some way, start and end with. It helps us have a more stable sense of self which helps us avoid inner collapse under pressure.
Embodied Wisdom empowers us to discern where, and with whom, conflicts really lie. It ensures we can penetrate to hidden insights in our communities and customers that unlock transformation, innovation, and imagination in our systems.
It empowers us to temper our smarts, and tamp down our reactivity, so we can solve complex problems with compassion and creativity as much as control and protection. Embodied wisdom is the only quality that can constrain and tenderize our human genius for Cognitive Complexity—which often disconnects us from one another in its abstracting and achieving genius.
The capacity to be smart, rational, and powerful, is brilliant, yes. But, untethered to healthy and reciprocal relationships, it tends to causes endless damage to real communities and ecosystems. We can see this in Ukraine. We can see this in the endless talk about the climate crisis, which the IPCC made clear this month, is still getting worse and requires radical action (AKA transformation).
To transform our self/org/world for good, Cognitive Complexity must be be sourced in Embodied Wisdom, which can only arise when we learn how to take care of each other and the planet we rely on for all life.
Empowering Zelenskyy vs. Powerful Putin
The President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, seems to me a wonderfully-flawed (as we all are) yet wonderfully-powerful role model for leadership imbued with Embodied Wisdom (as well as decent levels of Cognitive Complexity): fierce yet vulnerable; courageous yet warm-hearted; humble yet strong; relational but also strategic; empathic but also tactical.
Here he is in a T-Shirt, sharing a powerful narrative with world leaders, moving his translator to tears.
His words, presence, relational skills, and Embodied Wisdom have connected with politicians and citizens across the world. He seems to have catalyzed a global, and potentially transformative, moment of world-historical importance. Along with local leaders, he has empowered his citizens to resist. He has inspired them to stand together, in the path of tanks and missiles. This is the ‘soft’ relational triumphing over the cold, hard rational logic of guns and steel. They may lose the physical battles, but Ukraine as a people have won the war already. They have burnished their right to exist, their national integrity, the cultural cohesion forever.
As a student of leadership, Zelenskyy seems to be doing a brilliant job (for now, we will see how things unfold as he becomes further stressed and attacked) of leading a nation—whose people are under immense pressure, and subject to constant violence—to come together, be in a strong relationship with each other, and build a live connection with the rest of the world.
Relational connection, not brilliant thought, has triggered an outpouring of righteous indignation, protest and donations, and ever-toughening sanctions across the planet. This has changed the landscape of Europe, the trajectory of both nations, and the response by democracies to autocrats for good.
Great feelings of relational togetherness have been seen when two thousand locals march through the now occupied city of Kherson in direct defiance of military overlords. It has led to incredible resistance by Ukrainian soldiers and citizens, which has surprised Russians and Westerners alike. The US Secretary of State, Blinken, said this week: The Ukrainians “can absolutely win against Russia”.
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Putin and Zelenskyy ably demonstrate extremes of how to work with Relational Fields, and how our approaches to relationships are rooted in our own internal state of peace, compassion, and care. Whereas has Putin metabolized his difficult life experiences into “big man” qualities of a relentless grab for power, steely strength, physical prowess, and enormous desire for control—it is now a crime in Russia to promote Kremlin-unauthorised views on the war, punishable by 15 years in jail—Zelenskyy seems to have metabolized his difficult life experiences into truly transformational leadership.
Putin has suppressed his human capacity for connection in order to be strong, feared, and respected. He has cut himself off from Embodied Wisdom in order to “win” at any cost with his Cognitive Complexity. Zelenskyy, as perhaps a transformational leader, has his Cognitive Complexity sourced in his Embodied Wisdom. He seems to pay as much attention to repairing and tending to Relational Fields as much as he does strategic moves and soundbites. His rational intelligence is inspired by, and enacted through, relational intelligence. Forget cash or content: in this kind of leadership, care is king.
We All Have A Mini Vladimir and Volodymyr Within
Nature had evolved us to have two quite distinct modes of engaging with, seeing, and solving problems in the world. They act as antagonistic pairs: when one is active, the other is ‘off’. We call one Control & Protect Mode (which acts like a mini Putin when upset, angry, and reactive): and the other we call Create & Connect Mode (which can be a caring and inspiring mini-Zhelenskyy when we are calm and connected). Both are associated with very different brain networks, the Executive Control Network (Vlad) and the Default Mode Network (Vlod).
When we are triggered into the stress response, we become rigidly stuck in Control & Protect Mode, enacting patterns of thought and action that once served to keep us safe. We tend to see all problems as Technical Problems, best solved with old habits we learned to cope under pressure. But we also we lose access to empathy, insight, creativity, and cognitive flexibility.
This makes perfect evolutionary sense: we don’t want to have an empathic connection with a threatening animal, person, or comet. Better to definitely survive alone than perhaps thrive in relationships. Yet, without Create & Connect Mode, we lose the capacity to see Transformational Challenges for what they are: invitations to upgrade our relational, sensemaking, and decision-making apparatus and transform ourselves and organizations in the process.
This means that when we are intellectualizing, abstracting, achieving, theorizing, or being snipey in social media comments… biologically we cannot be empathic, patient, caring. Harsh warfare, harsh competition, and harsh words are sourced in the same protective and controlling genius we evolved to win at life. They seem like they will help us win against disorder and entropy, but they actually just lock us into patterns of thought and action that are maladaptive and brittle.
Nature had evolved us to have two quite distinct modes of engaging with, seeing, and solving problems in the world. They act as antagonistic pairs: when one is active, the other is ‘off’. We call one Control & Protect Mode (which acts like a mini Putin when upset, angry, and reactive): and the other we call Create & Connect Mode (which can be a caring and inspiring mini-Zhelenskyy when we are calm and connected). Both are associated with very different brain networks, the Executive Control Network (Vlad) and the Default Mode Network (Vlod).
When we are triggered into the stress response, we become rigidly stuck in Control & Protect Mode, enacting patterns of thought and action that once served to keep us safe. We tend to see all problems as Technical Problems, best solved with old habits we learned to cope under pressure. But we also we lose access to empathy, insight, creativity, and cognitive flexibility.
This makes perfect evolutionary sense: we don’t want to have an empathic connection with a threatening animal, person, or comet. Better to definitely survive alone than perhaps thrive in relationships. Yet, without Create & Connect Mode, we lose the capacity to see Transformational Challenges for what they are: invitations to upgrade our relational, sensemaking, and decision-making apparatus and transform ourselves and organizations in the process.
This means that when we are intellectualizing, abstracting, achieving, theorizing, or being snipey in social media comments… biologically we cannot be empathic, patient, caring. Harsh warfare, harsh competition, and harsh words are sourced in the same protective and controlling genius we evolved to win at life. They seem like they will help us win against disorder and entropy, but they actually just lock us into patterns of thought and action that are maladaptive and brittle. They lead us to failure not adaptation.
Zelenskyy: Leading From Shared Vulnerability & Collective Hope
Zhelenskyy is a leader of the people. A former comic and actor rather than party apparatchik or wonk, he openly shares his weaknesses and foibles. More importantly, he shows to his fellow Ukrainians that he shares their inability to control what Putin, or NATO, does. He leads from a place where he shares the vulnerabilities of his citizens—but uses this connection to make a stand and inspire them to do the same. His is politics of shared vulnerability, common purpose, and collective hope.
War has transformed a former comic actor once mocked for his hamminess into an iconic leader for the times whose powerfully emotive short videos posted from beneath his bombed capital seem made for sharing: a real-life Scheherazade, telling captivating tales to the world in the hope of keeping his countrymen alive for one more night. Gaby Hinsliff
I wonder if part of the reason Zelenskyy has done such a profound job at animating his people (especially the younger citizens who see themselves as quintessentially European)—as well as focusing global consciousness on the plight of the Ukrainian people—is that he gained some mastery in relational intelligence as a comedian. To stand up in front of a crowd and win their empathy, as I know from spending 20 years as a professional keynote speaker, is the prerequisite of making an impact.
We have to have high levels of Embodied Wisdom to connect with strangers in Fields 4 and 5 in our model. Our theory suggests this can only be done effortlessly if we have repaired relationships in Fields 1,2, and 3. This also means learning that, to be intimate and connected, we cannot always be ‘right’ or in control. We have to give up vertical power to gain horizontal empowerment.
I imagine Zelenskyy has had his ego humbled regularly in the process of being a comic actor. Perhaps being the voice of Ukrainian Paddington (weirdly, a film my cousin produced) and winning the first Ukrainian season of Dancing with Stars (even more weirdly, a show I helped the BBC to innovate) reinforced and channeled his childlike—but rarely childish—playfulness, expressiveness, and kindness.
Maybe, and here I really speculate, he has seen the tragedies of his family in WWII (many of his Jewish relatives murdered etc.) as an invitation for his own transformation through vulnerability, self-awareness, and wholeness. I know coming to terms with my own Holocaust trauma has been an incredible initiation rite for my growth. It called me to transform many of my protective patterns—to be smart, to make it, to be respected—and bring wholeness and repair to my ruptured relationships.
Putin: Leading From Isolated Power & Shared Fear
Putin, on the other hand, has allowed his ego to become isolated, ossified, and cold, to survive at home and in the KGB. Trauma begets traumatizing acts of aggression, coercion, and domination. Vladimir has become the shining light of patriarchal power to those in Russia—and abroad, like in the Republican Party of Trump—who see ‘big man’ power as the best way out of the chaos and fear of rapid societal change.
This desire for Strong Men to lead us away from change is one of 3 powerful anti-transformation tropes we can all fall into when faced with the need to transform ourselves and our systems. See my recent book on mastering transformational leadership for more. We can see Putin doubling-down on control and protection. We have all been there, as individuals. Even if it locks us into cycles of fear and rage—leaving us isolated from those we want the love of most—we can all get triggered into a rigid and brittle extreme of Control & Protect Mode.
I believe that if Putin had been supported—by leadership development programs in his organizations, transformational coaching or therapy, or a wise elder—to spend time working on the grief he felt about the fall of the USSR, the rage he felt about the loss of his/Russian/KGB prestige, the helplessness he feels in his relationships (I assume, most men do)… then his cravings for more control and territory may have been liquified in connection. Then it is unlikely our friends would be sitting in air raid shelters now in Kyiv.
If all leaders did such transformational work on their consciousness, it is unlikely that global warming would be accelerating so rapidly; or inequality progressing at such a terrifying pace.
From Great Fear Comes Great Lies
All coercive and oppressive control of a people requires both traditional physical power; but also an onslaught on the truth. Otherwise, in today’s purported democracies, the people will rebel. When we are in Putinesque mode, lies flow freely. Few people can ever acknowledge that they are dominating, oppressing, or neglecting. Our storytelling brain always tries to make up a narrative that makes us look rational and right.
This constructed internal logic, which exists in serial killers and dictators as well as teenagers and corporate leaders, becomes, necessarily, a lie. The greater the fear, disorder, and disruption in their Relational Fields, the more the lies grow, become embellished through our cognitive biases as we look for evidence, and thus destructive to others. In teams, marriages, and societies, these lies end up causing much damage.
Lies act to fool citizens—who are understandably scared of the losses of dignity and safety that change can bring—to believe in myths of being Great Again. They help us avoid the cognitive dissonance of wanting the world to be better but also wanting our own personal comforts and conveniences. In this moment, fuelled by state-controlled media and nationalist tropes, a majority of Russians believe in Putin’s outdated imperial narrative that they need to Make Russia Great Again—even if it means killing innocent civilians in what Russian media calls a “special operative action”.
Such lies corrode the bonds that make up healthy and resilient Relational Fields. Lies and misinformation—that are now weaponized by Russia to destabilize its enemies, within and all around (including bots trying to undermine our shared sensemaking capacities in the West with anti-vax, climate denial, QAnon, and Brexit lies)—destroy trust and reduce our capacity to be robust and resourceful together in the face of adversity.
Obsessed with “colour revolutions” the Russian military set about using intelligence officers and special forces to try to divide adversary societies from within. The theory was that if an enemy’s forces can be turned on themselves, if information can be controlled, and if trust in a country’s leaders can be undermined, then victory could be achieved with a minimal use of force. Jack Watling
Lies rob us of the primary evolutionary skill we need to make sense of what is happening accurately—and then make decisions that further our chances at first surviving; and then thriving, under evolutionary pressures to adapt. This is why that great leader of transformation, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, said that Truth Is God. Does this mean that lies, the ones we tell ourselves and others, are the Devil? They certainly have devilish impacts on living, breathing, feeling sentient beings.
Lies can only be resisted by Cognitive Complexity resourced by Embodied Wisdom: trust in ourselves, compassion for all, etc.
Transforming The World From The Inside Out
We cannot make much of a difference to the world if we intellectualize and strategize with Cognitive Complexity without deepening our Embodied Wisdom at the same time. I have learned, the really hard and painful warm, that transforming the world starts out by transforming within; and that means starting with our relationships with ourselves, with each other, and with the natural world.
Transforming (as opposed to relieving or improving, for a bit) our shared crises must begin with relational intelligence, which allows us to show up with vulnerability and authenticity. Leading breakthroughs out there starts with leading breakthroughs in our own grief, pain, and distorted beliefs. The only way we can make a lasting difference to the world out there is by repairing the schisms in our Relational Fields first. This means working with own tears and grief and mastering apologies and forgiveness. Then we can help others do the same.
Relational intelligence unlocks all our three most distinctive human capacities; to care deeply for one another, to creative imaginative breakthroughs, and to collaborate on executing them. With it, we can we transform society with world-changing innovations. If we don’t do the relational work first, we end up creating more products and projects that end up hurting the world more. This is why we start all our transformation projects with ‘soft’ leadership developmental work.
Our bold strategies and innovations must be grounded in, and sourced from, relational intelligence: vulnerable, tender, warm, humble, open-hearted connections… and, above all, a deep and abiding care for life and humankind.
Care is a species activity that includes everything that we do to maintain, continue, and repair our ‘world’ so that we can live in it as well as possible. That world includes our bodies, ourselves, our environment, all of which we seek to interweave in a complex, life sustaining web. Joan Tronto
Rational intelligence, competitive edge, our ability to tell lies to further our own aims have helped us survive. But the cost of this power is great. It causes the tragi-comedy of human affairs because it ruptures the very relationships we rely on for all emotional and ecological health. Relational disconnections— scaled up to geopolitical realities with armies, tractors, and oil tankers—are what both cause and enable Putinism, and Trumpism needless conflict, enormous fossil fuel tax rebates, Amazonian deforestation, profit-focused business practices, and more.
All genuine transformation must be rooted in purpose, compassion, and connection. This is because they unlock the insights and imagination we need to adapt ourselves, our organizations, and our societies to intense evolutionary pressures. Relational intelligence builds the trust and reciprocity we need to work together, in harmony not competition, to transform our collective challenges.
This empowering image of Ukrainian citizens clustered together in the cold, no weapons, to stop Russian tanks advancing shows what relational intelligence can do in the face of the remorseless logic of rational, abstracted, and mechanized power.
In Energodar, close to Zaporizhzhia nuclear power station.
People are standing to protect the city and the station.#russians started shooting at people but they continue to stay there. They know the price is too high, not just for #Ukraine, but for the rest of Europe. pic.twitter.com/8hBbZKfh5q
— Inna Sovsun (@InnaSovsun) March 3, 2022
Recalibrating Capitalism & Democracy with Relational Technologies
Thankfully, the importance and development of relational intelligence and Embodied Wisdom are growing across the world. Whether in the form of ‘psychological safety’ in the teamwork; mutual aid; the re-emergence of mutuals, friendly societies, and co-ops; conflict mediation; enactive approaches; collective intelligence; participatory democracy and citizens assemblies; restorative justice; limbic and empathic resonance; compassion projects and charters, ways to repair and strengthen Relational Fields are sprouting up all over.
Dialogue is key. When done slowly and with the utmost attention to our inner state, dialogue unblocks hearts as much as it unlocks minds. Dialogue in psychiatry, dialogue in couples therapy, dialogue in conflict transformation; dialogue as a collective communication tool all open up the promise of the relational regeneration of our world.
Dialogue allows our felt sense awareness and underlying mood—our interoceptive and emotional intelligence—to catch up with our busy mind; and then transform it. Nerves rewire. Stress responses are dampened. Amgydalas shrink. Shock is released. Trauma is healed. This is the true nature and genius of the dialogical experience. And everyone is invited.
Yet we must ensure that we don’t allow relational tools and techniques to be co-opted by capitalism and political domination. We must ensure we harness them to transform capitalism for good. We all have an inner Putin that can switch on the relational charm when we need to manipulate people to obey our directives. This is not the path of participatory democracy or regenerative capitalism.
We must also never forget that Embodied Wisdom—as it shows up in caring and tenderness—is still mostly the preserve of mothers, grandmothers, a growing number of dads, some HR folk, and wise elders who are too busy caring for, tending to, and nurturing others to achieve world domination (or writing articles, doing TED talks, and gaining social media followers). They deserve our endless gratitude, better pay, and profound respect (shared emphatically, on a daily basis).
Relational intelligence and Embodied Wisdom—manifest in the micro-moments of care and compassion that quell the cravings for comfort and convenience and power and profit—are the only human phenomena that can unlock lasting geopolitical, economic, and ecological transformation. They can guide our smart Cognitive Complexity to solve problems that really matter; in effective, appropriate, and peaceful ways.
We can be a Ruler Of Peace and avoid the daily temptations to be our own version of a Ruler of the World.
